Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
