FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
