He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
