my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
