I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
