hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
