where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
