i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
