All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
