I wish I only lived at night.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
