Umm I'm too high to move.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
