hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
