Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
