I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
