I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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