College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
