I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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