I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize