Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
there was a trapeze. enough said
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
