My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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