if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
