Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
