Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
