I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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