Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
