I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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