She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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