can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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