sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
