I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize