I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
