first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I would fuck him just for his dog
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
