Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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