So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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