mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
