I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
