tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
