it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
