All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize