Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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