You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize
