Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Also, beer. Big fan.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
