I am puke
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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