shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
