maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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