all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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