Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
