I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
That accounts for only three of the penises
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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