Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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