Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Bring me that man meat
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
