woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
