Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
