She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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