I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
there is puke in my bra ... again
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