no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
