At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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