Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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