You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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