Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Who died my cat blue again?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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