I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
