Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
