she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
As shirtless as possible
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
