Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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