playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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