my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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