I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize