My balls are so social today.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
