How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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