Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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