Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
