Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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