no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
