we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
