I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
