that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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