Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
