dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
