Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
