I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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