i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
