Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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