so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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