u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
