We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My ass is underappreciated
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
