I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
